We need to externalize our inner beauty.
There is a small possibility that self-acceptance might cause a few people to loose interest in self-improvement. In
most cases, however, it opens the door towards natural change and self-betterment.
Contrary to what many think, self-acceptance
is usually a prerequisite to moving beyond aspects of our selves which we would like to leave behind.
It is as if
that aspect which we want to change is another person whom we are rejecting and asking to be different. They will usually
resist and become even more deeply entrenched in the behaviors we would like to them to change.
The same seems to
happen when we reject aspects of ourselves. Those tendencies or "sub-personalities" tend to resist letting go of their ways
of functioning and behaving. Thus, we often delay our freedom from such undesired habits or characteristics when we reject
them or ourselves for having them.
Say for example, we smoke or eat or drink too much. Or we might tend towards aggressiveness,
jealousy, anger, fear or other unwanted emotions. We might prefer to be more assertive and dynamic in achieving our goals.
Rather than reject ourselves for what we would like to change, a much more effective approach is to:
that undesired aspect of ourselves as a natural evolutionary response to the various stresses, disappointments, difficulties,
and challenges we have encountered until now in our lives. We have developed these habits and tendencies as an attempt to
"protect" our selves from "dangers" or to "relax" from our tensions.
2. Learn to understand these aspects of our being.
They are parts of us, which deserves our love and acceptance as it is. We need to understand what those parts of ourselves
are actually seeking through those behavior. They might be seeking security, affirmation, freedom or perhaps release of tension.
Our "aspects" or sub-personalities can search for security in money, food, relationships, sex, smoking, coffee or
even through conflict. We have been programmed to doubt our security and self-worth and to fear for our freedom and to seek
them at times in strange and sometimes self-destructive ways.
Thus the second step is to understand these parts of
ourselves and realize how they feel and what they need.
3. The third step is to begin to reeducate these parts of
ourselves and help them understand what is really in their benefit and how they can achieve real security, self-worth, freedom
and fulfillment. This might take the form of a dialogue with that aspect of ourselves in which we listen to its needs and
then explain how we perceive our lives and share our goals and needs. We can write a dialogue between these two parts of our
being - the one who wants to keep on with its habits and the second which wants to move on to other ways of behaving. They
can each express to each other their: a. Needs
This can also be done by
setting up two chairs and creating a verbal exchange in which we speak alternatively for each part of ourselves as we change
positions sitting in each chair as we change perspective and seek to feel and express that aspect of ourselves.
The fourth step is to take the position of our higher wiser self and speak to both parts of ourselves. Both the part, which
wants to the change and the one, which does not, are equally aspects of our being. They are like our children and they need
to be accepted and loved as they are. They need to be helped to love harmoniously in the same body and mind.
the end we need to understand that our true being is not limited to either of these aspects. We are something much greater.
This mutual inner acceptance and communication between these conflicting aspects our being opens the door to a type
of inner cooperation which brings about a much more effective and lasting change than can ever be accomplished through self-rejection
The same is obviously true about our need to change others. We can get much better results if we accept
and understand them and their needs and then express our needs in an atmosphere of mutual understanding and respect.
for the fear that we might relax too much and not move forward if we accept ourselves, we would do well to remember that all
of nature seeks to evolve. Our inner being naturally seeks to evolve. This is our basic inner need. We are all driven by an
inner pressure towards perfection. How else can we know that we do not have perfect love or justice, unless we have an inner
frame of reference.
We want to create health, harmony, peace and love in our lives because these remind us of out
true inner self. These are who and what we are.
No matter how much we accept ourselves we will always want to move
towards that manifestation of our inner potential.
Loving and accepting ourselves is the first step towards that.
Be Well **********
***** Reference Box for Publishers *****
Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available at
His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com where
you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)