This is a part of a series of articles with questions, which will help us understand our emotions and how we can free ourselves
from unwanted ones.
The following questions may help us understand and overcome our loneliness.
1. "When do you feel most lonely?" "At what times of day or week and in which situations?"
2. " What do you believe that you need at those moments in order to feel more connected with the others or the world
3. "Is there something which prevents you from contacting other people when you feel lonely?"
a. Do you feel too proud to contact someone?
b. Are you afraid that there will not be the response you want?
c. Or are you afraid of anything else, which prevents you from contacting other people, when you are feeling lonely?
4. "What do you believe which makes you feel lonely?"
5. " What do you believe which makes being alone unacceptable or painful?"
6. " Do you believe in God?" " If yes, how could you feel His/Her/Its presence more tangibly in your life,
especially when you are feeling lonely?"
7. "There are also many other people who feel lonely, such as the elderly, orphans, the ill, blind, deaf, paralyzed
etc. people who may need help. How would you feel about helping these people with their loneliness?" If not, why not?"
If yes, where and when would you like to begin?"
8. "Which beliefs do you need to change here in order to be able to accept being alone?" "How will you
change these beliefs?"
9. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to feel more connected to others and/or God and life?" "How
will you change these beliefs?"
10. "Which beliefs do you need to change in order to feel freer to express your needs for greater or deeper contact
with others?" "How will you change these beliefs?"
11. "With which persons would you like to begin this expression and what would you like to say?"
Now you may like to describe how you would like to think, feel and respond in future situations. You may find it more
powerful to write your description in the present tense as if it is already a reality.
For more on dealing with emotions you might want to check out these sources:
If we care for our bodies and minds,
they will care for us.
***** Reference Box for Publishers *****
(Robert Elias Najemy's recently released book "The Psychology of Happiness" (ISBN 0-9710116-0-5) is available
His writings can be viewed at http://www.HolisticHarmony.com
where you can also download FREE articles and e-books.)
How has your mood been
lately? Does your mood affect your game? This month, let's see
how your mood compares with the moods reported by many successful
elite competitors. Much like studying great players for ideas
to improve your serve, your focus on mood will help you discover
some terrific mental keys to success!
Defining Mood Mood is usually defined as a transient feeling,
emotional tone, or general attitude. As a temporary emotional
state, mood fluctuates depending upon circumstances. For example,
a disturbing phone call, new romance, or tennis championship
could rapidly alter your mood. Mood is sensitive to inner
experiences, environmental factors, and our appraisal of events,
whether positive or negative. For some individuals mood remains
relatively stable, while for others mood is much less predictable.
Extreme mood disturbances are classified as psychological
disorders (e.g., depression, bipolar disorder) and require
the assistance of mental health professionals. For our purposes,
let's focus on the mood patterns that occur every day among
non-disturbed healthy athletes.
Mood - Performance Relationship Take a moment to recall
the last time you were in a great mood playing tennis (hopefully
often!). Describe your feelings. How did you perform? Did
the way you performed improve your mood, or did your emotional
state help you play better? Although it is still too early
to accurately predict competitive outcome from analyzing mood,
studies show that certain mood patterns are quite common among
elite athletes, and that successful athletes display these
patterns more often than less successful athletes.
How do you measure your mood? One simple way is to carefully
record your emotional states in a diary. Perhaps the most
popular self-report measure of transient mood states is the
Profile of Mood States (POMS), developed by McNair, Lorr and
Droppleman in 1971. This questionnaire taps six mood dimensions
including tension-anxiety, depression-dejection, anger-hostility,
vigor-activity, fatigue- inertia, and confusion-bewilderment.
I have found the POMS helpful in measuring the mood patterns
of athletes from many sports including tennis, as well as
with players on the 1996 national champion Florida Gators
Research with the POMS shows that elite athletes score above
normal on the vigor-activity scale and below normal on all
other scales. A graphic depiction of these scores resembles
an iceberg (vigor scale up, all others down), leading Bill
Morgan to dub this the "iceberg profile." Although many elite
athletes do not display this pattern, it shows up frequently
enough to take notice. How would your own mood profile look
next to the "iceberg?"
Enhancing Your Mood Just as critical feedback regarding
your serve, volley, and overhead is important, you should
also start paying attention to your mood states and recording
the influence that your mood has on performance. If you are
new to this, begin by rating each of six dimensions of your
current mood (anxiety, depression, anger, fatigue, confusion,
and vigor-activity) on a scale of 1 to 10 (1 = worst ever,
10=best ever). Based on this ranking, pick the mood you would
like to work on by linking to the appropriate Mental Equipment
article and refreshing your memory on aspects that might help.
(Remember that these are just tips to help you perform better
in sports. If you are experiencing significant problems with
mood, seek professional assistance).
As your mood and performance begin to change, I would like
to hear from you. Let me know using this form which articles
helped the most and which mood changes were most useful. Keep
your chin up
All contents ©2003 John F. Murray, Ph.D. Use without permission
strictly prohibited. or more information, contact John F.
Murray, Ph.D -
or by calling 561-596-9898